help me see
the heart You see
not the heart i think i have
or wish were within me
but the current heart
the carnal heart
the heart i'd never want the world to see
let me see
reveal to me
in the deepest moments of transparency
show me the heart You see within me.
this masquerade has begun to fool even me
and my perceived anointing
turned to cursed trickery
please show me
the ugly
the nasty
the flesh more than skin deep
it may be the devil but it may just be me
please, please, show me the heart You see
that i can yearn for Yours daily
yearn to serve with Christs humility
LORD, show me the heart You see
so they will no longer see me.
2.23.2009
when i grow up...
i want to be famous
i want to be a star
i want to be in movies...
no really.
i want to win a SAG award, i want to go to the olympics for javelin, i want to start a high school for design and construction that certifies adults on the weekends, i want to be in the military, i want to own an orphanage...in america, i want to be the next barbara walters, i want to be in the wnba, i want to live in philly and own a house in new mexico. i want to be successful. i want to be a success. i want to be a good example. i want to be. i want to be the person you think i am...
i want to be whatever i need to be to glorify His name properly
i want to be a star
i want to be in movies...
no really.
i want to win a SAG award, i want to go to the olympics for javelin, i want to start a high school for design and construction that certifies adults on the weekends, i want to be in the military, i want to own an orphanage...in america, i want to be the next barbara walters, i want to be in the wnba, i want to live in philly and own a house in new mexico. i want to be successful. i want to be a success. i want to be a good example. i want to be. i want to be the person you think i am...
i want to be whatever i need to be to glorify His name properly
2.11.2009
last week
last week we called the police
we're still waiting
i was visiting my friends, there were 4 of us. we pulled into her parking lot and there was this really creepy White man walking around, we chilled in the car for a while then noticed he was kind of walking in circles and looking into the car.
they kind of freaked out, i mean it was weird but there were 4 of us and 1 of him so i was less freaked out...but thats beside the point...he walked into the field-directly across from her front door- and just kind of stood near the bushes and looked into the car...so we got the hell out of there
we called the police at about 8:15pm...to a nice upscale townhouse property (though it is somewhat near the hood) i mean presidents drive...thats nice
anyway they couldnt find the address in their database (even though mapquest knows where it is) we said "### presidents drive" ..."uhm we have constitution" well i can see how thats related but no dumb ass thats not the same thing...anyway we proceed to tell her that a white man in jeans and a dark shirt was lurking in the bushes...can you send someone out...this was quite literally the longest 911 conversation ever- i mean that ive ever been a witness to
we said this twice
about 45 mins to an hour go by and we get a call from a cop...we've already gone back to her house and moved on...he says "i just got the call, i dont see anyone out here...did you say a black man in a white shirt?"
wtf ?!? idk if youre dyslexic or racist man but as long as its taken you to get here and not help me i couldve been raped and murdered actually im answering the phone from the shallow grave ive been buried in- in the field adjacent to the house. thanks for your help.
i really gotta learn and get used to the fact that dectectives benson and stabler arent real life cops. dectective benson would have came and sat in the house with us until stabler found the guy and beat the hell out of him...oh joy....actually if i were a cop i'd sue dick wolf for false advirtisement
we're still waiting
i was visiting my friends, there were 4 of us. we pulled into her parking lot and there was this really creepy White man walking around, we chilled in the car for a while then noticed he was kind of walking in circles and looking into the car.
they kind of freaked out, i mean it was weird but there were 4 of us and 1 of him so i was less freaked out...but thats beside the point...he walked into the field-directly across from her front door- and just kind of stood near the bushes and looked into the car...so we got the hell out of there
we called the police at about 8:15pm...to a nice upscale townhouse property (though it is somewhat near the hood) i mean presidents drive...thats nice
anyway they couldnt find the address in their database (even though mapquest knows where it is) we said "### presidents drive" ..."uhm we have constitution" well i can see how thats related but no dumb ass thats not the same thing...anyway we proceed to tell her that a white man in jeans and a dark shirt was lurking in the bushes...can you send someone out...this was quite literally the longest 911 conversation ever- i mean that ive ever been a witness to
we said this twice
about 45 mins to an hour go by and we get a call from a cop...we've already gone back to her house and moved on...he says "i just got the call, i dont see anyone out here...did you say a black man in a white shirt?"
wtf ?!? idk if youre dyslexic or racist man but as long as its taken you to get here and not help me i couldve been raped and murdered actually im answering the phone from the shallow grave ive been buried in- in the field adjacent to the house. thanks for your help.
i really gotta learn and get used to the fact that dectectives benson and stabler arent real life cops. dectective benson would have came and sat in the house with us until stabler found the guy and beat the hell out of him...oh joy....actually if i were a cop i'd sue dick wolf for false advirtisement
disablities
generally disabilities arent funny...
generally
is it bad that everytime i see someone with down syndrome i say "hey i might know him" or "he looks familiar where have seen him before?"
the other day i was walking behind a blind woman, she was walking with a blind person stick...i dont know what theyre called-walking sticks
anyway she was walking kinda zig zaggy and making large swoops with her walking stick. and i thought to myself, "i wonder if they get trained with those" as if it was a skill someone could be born with or something (im a dork...but it doesnt end there)
next i thought- " if i were blind (bc thats the next logical step) i wouldnt swoop my stick as wide, itd be quick and right in front of me kind of like parkinsons" thats was mean but i laughed, anyway i'd probably trip a lot as a result
then as i was passing her i was like i wonder where i should step so she doesnt hit me...man i hope she doesnt hit me
then i saw her (with my mind's eye...whatever the hell that means) swing her walking stick at me and take me out at the knees nancy kerrigan style...even my mind is after me
i laughed out loud....walking down the street...other people might have thought i was crazy..but im funny damn it
generally
is it bad that everytime i see someone with down syndrome i say "hey i might know him" or "he looks familiar where have seen him before?"
the other day i was walking behind a blind woman, she was walking with a blind person stick...i dont know what theyre called-walking sticks
anyway she was walking kinda zig zaggy and making large swoops with her walking stick. and i thought to myself, "i wonder if they get trained with those" as if it was a skill someone could be born with or something (im a dork...but it doesnt end there)
next i thought- " if i were blind (bc thats the next logical step) i wouldnt swoop my stick as wide, itd be quick and right in front of me kind of like parkinsons" thats was mean but i laughed, anyway i'd probably trip a lot as a result
then as i was passing her i was like i wonder where i should step so she doesnt hit me...man i hope she doesnt hit me
then i saw her (with my mind's eye...whatever the hell that means) swing her walking stick at me and take me out at the knees nancy kerrigan style...even my mind is after me
i laughed out loud....walking down the street...other people might have thought i was crazy..but im funny damn it
2.04.2009
because i cant figure out how to email the view (more than 250 characters)
I apologize for the tardiness of this comment. First let me start by saying I love the View! I generally have to leave midway through to head to class but I try to DVR (I dont know how I survived without this) it whenever possible. DVR is also the reason why this comment comes so late as I was just able to watch Monday's(02.02.09) show.
My main reason for responding is for the guy who claimed/blamed the Media for Barack Obama being elected president and said they ruined Sarah Palin in the process. First off this guy was rude so that annoyed me to begin with but more importantly he skirted the issues, ignored questions he could answer and let Elisabeth fight his battles for him - which I understand I would too, she's feisty.
When asked why he blames the media when Sarah Palin doesnt seem to in the clip he showed he said, "look at the website," when asked why he doesnt stand up for Hillary the same way he does for Palin, he said "look at the website or wait three weeks and go see it." What? why are you on TV? its not like youre speaking for the movie or saying anything of importance, if I wanted to be told to wait for the movie you could have just shown the clip and had Elisabeth or Sherri say "wait for the movie"
One of his main points was that people/particularly the media idolized Barack and crucified Sarah...like she had nothing to do with the medias portrayal...he brought up a poll he did.
12 questions
a 12 question poll...seriously? when did that become enough for accurate information?
anyway his point for bringing up the poll was that one of the questions most people answered correctly was "Which of the candidates had a pregnant teenage daughter?" saying that people cared more about the goings on of Palins private life over her collegues'- but really? everyone knows Sasha and Melia...they're in the spotlight just as much if not more...theyre obviously not pregnant or teenagers...Biden? everyone knows he has sons...if he has a daughter thats news to me and most people I know...and McCain? he's 487 he would have to have been having sex at his centennial in order to have a teenage daughter..so even if I didnt follow the election by process of elimination Im going to get that right.
I agree that the media played a huge role in getting Barack Obama elected and did a lot to negatively affect public opinion of Sarah Palin. But for very different reasons. Barack Obama new how to use the media and take advantage of the different venues to reach the public, I saw just as many negative ads for him as I did for McCain (depending on what channel I watched) but there were many more positive ones for Obama because he chose to speak-its what he does.
Sarah Palin, probably should have chose not to more often. yes interviews are edited and altered to suit the needs of the station or correspondant but stuff people saw/heard...she actually did/said...same crap happened with Joe Biden- but somehow thats different.
since this is a random rant let me also say that Im still pissed about that Joe the Plumber nonsense! that fool wasnt even a plumber. booooo joe. booooooo
My main reason for responding is for the guy who claimed/blamed the Media for Barack Obama being elected president and said they ruined Sarah Palin in the process. First off this guy was rude so that annoyed me to begin with but more importantly he skirted the issues, ignored questions he could answer and let Elisabeth fight his battles for him - which I understand I would too, she's feisty.
When asked why he blames the media when Sarah Palin doesnt seem to in the clip he showed he said, "look at the website," when asked why he doesnt stand up for Hillary the same way he does for Palin, he said "look at the website or wait three weeks and go see it." What? why are you on TV? its not like youre speaking for the movie or saying anything of importance, if I wanted to be told to wait for the movie you could have just shown the clip and had Elisabeth or Sherri say "wait for the movie"
One of his main points was that people/particularly the media idolized Barack and crucified Sarah...like she had nothing to do with the medias portrayal...he brought up a poll he did.
12 questions
a 12 question poll...seriously? when did that become enough for accurate information?
anyway his point for bringing up the poll was that one of the questions most people answered correctly was "Which of the candidates had a pregnant teenage daughter?" saying that people cared more about the goings on of Palins private life over her collegues'- but really? everyone knows Sasha and Melia...they're in the spotlight just as much if not more...theyre obviously not pregnant or teenagers...Biden? everyone knows he has sons...if he has a daughter thats news to me and most people I know...and McCain? he's 487 he would have to have been having sex at his centennial in order to have a teenage daughter..so even if I didnt follow the election by process of elimination Im going to get that right.
I agree that the media played a huge role in getting Barack Obama elected and did a lot to negatively affect public opinion of Sarah Palin. But for very different reasons. Barack Obama new how to use the media and take advantage of the different venues to reach the public, I saw just as many negative ads for him as I did for McCain (depending on what channel I watched) but there were many more positive ones for Obama because he chose to speak-its what he does.
Sarah Palin, probably should have chose not to more often. yes interviews are edited and altered to suit the needs of the station or correspondant but stuff people saw/heard...she actually did/said...same crap happened with Joe Biden- but somehow thats different.
since this is a random rant let me also say that Im still pissed about that Joe the Plumber nonsense! that fool wasnt even a plumber. booooo joe. booooooo
2.02.2009
20, movie sex, tin man
20
20 pack
1 last puff
Stress is too much to test
Pullin 8 to 5
9 to stay alive
Odds are 10 to 1
It’s only 12, days not even half way done
Lunch break. 13.15
It’s all I have to fill up my tank
2:16 I’m late
That’s 17 points on my name
4:18 time to go I can’t lose this job
But 5 cant come quick enough how can I beat traffic
Take 19th ave to B Street
Bypass the bridge,
It always takes like 20 mins to get across
20
6:20 finally home
One last puff before I go to sleep and start again tomorrow
___________________________
Movies make sex sexy
I want movie sex
Four minutes of time leading to a lifetime of satisfaction sex
Not bumping uglies, sweaty, grunty, painful, it’ll take much longer than four minutes
STD’s, crazies, emotionally binding and rarely physically satisfying sex
Not real life sex
But sexy movie sex
Four play sex
Happily ever after sex
Just sexy sex
Movie sex
________________________________
One day I will be so independent that I wont need your existence.
I wont need your money when im in lack
Or your arms when I fall
Ill be so independent I wont need your presence to verify me at all
I may be able to stand on my two feet or mold and sculpt with my very own hands
But for some reason I still need your affirmation to confirm my stance
One day Ill be so independent that I wont need you to validate me
I wont need the cunning ways you hate on me
You pretend that you care but you lie to entrap me
Its disgusting
Your crocodile tears have caused your cold heart to grow rusty
I can hear you creaking from a mile away
Turn around tin man its time for other prey
Because now I know im standing on my own two feet
And the only reason you should be here is to have your lips on mycheeks
20 pack
1 last puff
Stress is too much to test
Pullin 8 to 5
9 to stay alive
Odds are 10 to 1
It’s only 12, days not even half way done
Lunch break. 13.15
It’s all I have to fill up my tank
2:16 I’m late
That’s 17 points on my name
4:18 time to go I can’t lose this job
But 5 cant come quick enough how can I beat traffic
Take 19th ave to B Street
Bypass the bridge,
It always takes like 20 mins to get across
20
6:20 finally home
One last puff before I go to sleep and start again tomorrow
___________________________
Movies make sex sexy
I want movie sex
Four minutes of time leading to a lifetime of satisfaction sex
Not bumping uglies, sweaty, grunty, painful, it’ll take much longer than four minutes
STD’s, crazies, emotionally binding and rarely physically satisfying sex
Not real life sex
But sexy movie sex
Four play sex
Happily ever after sex
Just sexy sex
Movie sex
________________________________
One day I will be so independent that I wont need your existence.
I wont need your money when im in lack
Or your arms when I fall
Ill be so independent I wont need your presence to verify me at all
I may be able to stand on my two feet or mold and sculpt with my very own hands
But for some reason I still need your affirmation to confirm my stance
One day Ill be so independent that I wont need you to validate me
I wont need the cunning ways you hate on me
You pretend that you care but you lie to entrap me
Its disgusting
Your crocodile tears have caused your cold heart to grow rusty
I can hear you creaking from a mile away
Turn around tin man its time for other prey
Because now I know im standing on my own two feet
And the only reason you should be here is to have your lips on mycheeks
home
home is where the heart is
ive given you my heart
now please take me home
ive wandered and ive strayed
ie found dwellings houses and shelters
but ive yet to find home
my heart is with you
now please take me home
ive move and ive stayed
ive found shacks apartments and studios
but my heart is with you
and youve been here
now please take me home
ive enjoyed my time away
ive found friends enemies God and even myself
but part of me was missing
because with you is where im meant to be
iowa philly or third world
weve exchanged hearts
now lets go home
____________________
haiku
home’s where the heart is
I have given you my heart
Now please take me home
ive given you my heart
now please take me home
ive wandered and ive strayed
ie found dwellings houses and shelters
but ive yet to find home
my heart is with you
now please take me home
ive move and ive stayed
ive found shacks apartments and studios
but my heart is with you
and youve been here
now please take me home
ive enjoyed my time away
ive found friends enemies God and even myself
but part of me was missing
because with you is where im meant to be
iowa philly or third world
weve exchanged hearts
now lets go home
____________________
haiku
home’s where the heart is
I have given you my heart
Now please take me home
bc i went to uva take 1 and 2
they ask me why i walk this way
well because i went to uva
why i see rainbows in the snow
and runners in the rain
why correcting your speech is second nature
and mocking your turkey still hurts though we may have lost the game
why? ha ha my friend
thats because i went to uva
its my school
my rules
my orange and blue
whether decked in orange fever or in sundays best shoes
i may not be off on rugby but im proud to be a wahoo
and no matter how hard you front I can see in your eyes you wish you were one too
you may win the battle but the war is already ours
you’ll see in 10 years as your washing our cars
they ask me why my nose is in the air
or how i can see the stock market crash and continue without a care (Jesus)
i laugh and in response i say
My good fellow its because i went to uva
_________________________
they ask me why i walk this way
well because i went to uva
why i see rainbows in the snow
and runners in the rain
why correcting your speech is second nature
and mocking your turkey still hurts though we may have lost the game
why? ha ha my friend
thats because i went to uva
its my school
my rules
my orange and blue
whether decked in orange fever or in sundays best shoes
i may not be off on rugby but im proud to be a wahoo
I can see in your eyes you wish you were one too
you may win the battle but the war is already ours
you’ll see in 10 years as your washing our cars
they ask me why my nose is in the air
or how my swagger became so debonair
i laugh and in response i say
My good fellow its cause i went to uva
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