...

waiting for the one to love me for me
continuously ready to bless me when I sneeze
his walk alone could make me fall down to my knees
for fear that one day he may walk away from me
looking for love in all the wrong places
in different men in many different faces
with each new man what i dont want i find
and now i know exactly what will be held in mine
looking for love whilst lis looking for me
looking for love whilst love is in front of me
i found my love once i tapped into His love in me
and I realized I wasnt actually loving previously

Notice me

I got straight A's and brought home straight D's
silently screaming, "notice me"
I threw up food I didnt even eat
silently screaming, "notice me"
I was in abusive relationship after abusive relationship
allowed myself to be beated mentally, emotionally, and physically
silently screaming, "notice me"
I had two kids and one STD
silently screaming, "notice me"
I searched for love and approval, all the while hating me
silently screaming, "notice me"
when I lacked, I gave others the power to form and shape my identity
whispering hoarsely, "notice me"
I ran after you planted on bended knee
whispering hoarsely, "notice me"
I churched, I tramped, shown and hid my lamp
whispering hoarsely, "notice me"
I fasted, prayed, and worked diligently
made plans, goals, and put God in the back seat
whispering hoarsely, "notice me"
I'm here now, God, standing firmly
yelling, screaming, shouting "God Please, Notice Me"
Run to me, Shelter me, Comfort me, and allow me to embrace Thee
Fully, wholly, purposefully with direction, with skill, and Your heart within me
No matter who I am, or where I might be its You LORD, You Lord, that I need to notice me.

title me

Im overwhelmed by how under whelming my days have become
feeling whelmed by the complacency and mundane passing of the hour
become uncomfortable in the comfortable and predictable nature of my schedule.

Im over being undertaken by time
and overtaken by age as my youth fleets continually along with the
drive and desire I once had.

The young dream dreams and Ive dreamt but my dreams have ceased to dream of the future and have now become mere memories of the past.

I dream of who I once was
hopeful for the hope I once had
dreaming of the dreams I once dreamt
viewing visions of a better me
but for right now THAT person
that successful person
that happy person
that content person
thats not me.

Im unsatisfied with the satisfaction meant to come with a schedule thats booked
because an agenda thats full of unsatisfactory and unfullfilling content is just that

unsatisfactory and unfilling

leaving me dissatisfied and empty
and continually longing for fulfillment
devoting myself fully to looking for a filling purpose
begging my Garmin for directions and destinations
crawling slow and steady to the fork in the road with no foreseable right way

I want to walk, I want to run, I want to stand up
but for and to what?
Garmin cant lead me if I dont have any place to go

A man who has found nothing worth dying for...?

hmm, well I want to live