sometimes funny isnt fun

...i feel like people depend on me sometimes to make them feel better, so much so that or to the point that if i dont feel good about life i dont have anyone to discuss it with...bc theyre going through...bc really theyre not interested in my sad...bc they like my happy so much.

good times

http://things90skidsrealize.com/page/2/

constipated

went and got a colonoscopy
      looking for a pot of gold
been in the fire so long
      the blue flames starting to get cold

"sh*t or get off the pot!"

      actions all youve got to make it
but wondering how far I'll get
      living my whole life constipated

pushing towards a goal with the whole world pushing back
building up the muscles in my legs and lower back
thought it would be quick
                                but now my time is so off track

trying to pass these fools through my system
       not sure what youve got until theyre gone and you miss them
I knew they had to go cause the relationship was toxic
       but each took a peice and now I aint really got sh*t

stuck on a stool unable to make a movement
trying to keep in dark, all thats hidden in the bowels
       instead of solving the puzzle or spinning the wheel,
       Im steady wasting money on vowels

If I cant push foward I gotta keep from going back
      even if it means being stagnant, dead in my tracks

Aristotle once said, 'give me one firm spot to stand and I'll
change the world
   move mountains
                        and rotate and reverse its orbit'
I mightve added to that for emphasis
            youd've caught it if you were listenin
but Aristotle was standing
           and I'm stuck here
                                      sitting

paralyzed by options with the world passing me by
thought I had a good plan but its funny how time flies
             
                  you dont even really have to be havin fun

"sh*t or get off the pot!"

well neither one makes sense
because if I could push past this    
                                             I would
      and walking away?
well thats just counterintuitive
   a counter action- opposite to every action up to now

all that time, all that work
thats got me stuck here
            with no worth

living a life thats constipated
actions all youve got so make it
even if its counter- its action

s'like sunshine and rain

Jesus is the center of my Joy, and they can take all of my possessions and I'd still have my Joy (though depressed like a mug)...Ive found my Joy and my joy is steadfast and immovable. now its time to locate my happy

bc my happy is elusive, evasive, and seemingly unobtainable. once i find it i'll have joy and happy....then i'll be something like unstoppable.

dont be surprised by the smile, im just locating the happy

color career counselor

Best Occupational Category


You're a CREATOR

Keywords



Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional



These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.



CREATOR OCCUPATIONS

Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.



CREATOR WORKPLACES

Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.



Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.











2nd Best Occupational Category

You're a SOCIAL MANAGER

Keywords:



Tactful, Cooperative, Generous, Understanding, Insightful, Friendly, and Cheerful



This very social type enjoys working in groups, sharing responsibilities, and being the center of attention. Fields of interest are instructing, helping, nurturing, care giving and instructing-especially young people. They discuss and consider feelings in order to solve problems, lead, direct, persuade, guide, organize and enlighten others.

teenage dream

You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the punch line wrong
I know you get me
So I'll let my walls come down, down

Before you met me
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

pride is competitive, humility is comparative

school

i have an assignment due at 11:55....i dont want to do it. im starting to see less and less of a reason or desire to get a masters

an experience today led me to the concept of looking at the brightside...thats usually me but i find if youre constantly looking at or for something bright it makes it next to impossible to navigate in the dark- when will your eyes ever adjust to your situation? do you want your eyes to adjust? i guess if they do that means you plan to be there a while.....

time

if a day with You is like a thousand elsewhere...i need You to do something in the next 17 seconds

one more dimension

Scorpio

October 23 - November 21

Scorpio is the eighth sign of the zodiac, and that shouldn't be taken lightly -- nor should Scorpios! Those born under this sign are dead serious in their mission to learn about others. There's no fluff or chatter for Scorpios, either; these folks will zero in on the essential questions, gleaning the secrets that lie within. Scorpios concern themselves with beginnings and endings, and are unafraid of either; they also travel in a world that is black and white and has little use for gray. The curiosity of Scorpios is immeasurable, which may be why they are such adept investigators. These folks love to probe and know how to get to the bottom of things. The fact that they have a keen sense of intuition certainly helps.

The Scorpion symbolizes Scorpio, and that is no accident. Much like the Scorpion would rather kill itself than be killed, those born under this sign are in ultimate control of their destiny. It is life on the Scorpion's terms, too, since these folks promote their agenda (they are quite the executives) and see to it that things go forward. Others may find this overbearing (it can be) and even self-destructive, but that's the beauty of the Scorpio: they have tremendous regenerative powers, much like the literal Scorpion can lose its tail and promptly grow a new one. Fearless Scorpios rarely lose; they just keep on going, since they are stubborn and determined to succeed (this Scorpio trait is in keeping with the Fixed Quality assigned to this sign). Scorpios work as hard as they do so they can someday sit back and feel satisfied with themselves. These folks are intense, passionate and filled with desire. They're also complex and secretive, so don't expect to get much out of them, lest they become suspicious and exit stage left. It's best not to bet against Scorpios, either, since these folks are surprisingly resourceful.

Scorpio is ruled by Mars and Pluto. Mars was the God of War in ancient Roman mythology and is the first (and most ancient) ruler of Scorpio. When Pluto was discovered in the 20th century, it was also assigned to this sign. Pluto was known as the God of the Underworld in ancient Roman times, so when coupled with Mars, expect some intense energy to head toward Scorpions here on Earth. This planetary combo makes for people who are motivated, penetrating and aware. Scorpions don't miss much, since they are highly attuned to the vibrations of others. They are intuitive, probing and very focused on knowing who's who and what's what. Scorpios can lose their temper (and even become vengeful) when someone gets in their way, so it's best to give them plenty of room. Remember, they're unafraid, and a loss today simply means an opportunity for victory tomorrow.

The Element associated with Scorpio is Water. As opposed to the 'roiling seas' seen in other Water Signs, a better motto for Scorpios would be 'still waters run deep.' Those born under this sign are as emotional as their waterborne brethren, it's just that they're not as likely to show it. The Scorpio's emotions are repressed, kept under cover. Again, these are secrets to be used another day. That said, be aware that these folks are clever, perceptive and always in the mix. Their ability to see into things can sometimes be a curse for Scorpios, however, since they can take an insignificant matter and turn it into a huge slight. Beware the Scorpio who feels crossed! These folks can turn vindictive in no time flat. Luckily, once Scorpios catch their breath, they will return to their usual determined and loyal (albeit strong-willed) ways. Finally, while Scorpios aren't above some subtle manipulation to get what they want, they'd much rather take a scientific, even mystical path. The Scorpio-born are powerful and passionate, qualities that serve them well, as long as they don't let them deteriorate into self-indulgence or compulsion.

Scorpios love competition in both work and play, which is why they'll air it out in sports and games. Extreme sports are right up Scorpio's alley, as is most anything that will test their mettle. They've got to have an adversary, since it makes the game that much more fun. Scorpio's colors? Powerful red and serious black. When it comes to love, though, Scorpios soften up a bit and are caring and devoted with their lovers, even if they do hold on a bit tight. Scorpios are also lusty in the extreme (how else?), so they need to be mindful of their reproductive organs.

The great strength of the Scorpio-born is in their determination, passion and motivation. Scorpios don't know the word quit, which is why they usually get the job done. A powerhouse? Like no other.

http://www.astrology.com/

just fun

anasazi or hopi, aztec or zuni- the kokopelli- god of fertility, mischief, and music

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokopelli

the lost city

ive gotten so good at acting like a christian im not sure i know how to live saved

my friends have found a way to be comfortable in their sin around me...sides of themselves they would normally try to quench or mask- they freely share with me because their flesh identifies with mine

should i be concerned that people i call my friends would selfishly choose their comfort over my soul...or that i am somehow making room for their sin and slowly pulling them down with me

i should be concerned that its easier to identify with my flesh than my spirit, because i live in it more. i walk in it. its easier to recognize. both are heavily guarded, masked, untouchable...ones just seen more often

to break down walls would mean not only to reveal my spirit, but to reveal my flesh for what it is and to acknowledge that more often than not i hold me back. i keep me from growing. because happiness-joy-having no reason to complain scares the hell out of me

its unknown territory...atlantis if you will

Hey now this is my desire consume me like a fire cause i just want something beautiful to touch me i know that im in reach cause i am down on my knees waiting for something beautiful

Christianity without discipleship is Christianity without Christ

I heard a statistic that 1/3 of the world is Christian, if we each evangelized 2 people the world would be Christian- Thats nuts. Ghandi once said if Christians actually lived what they believed everyone would want to be Christian. Bill Hull says the problem is not that we dont live out our beliefs the problem is that we dont believe Jesus

I think I can I think I can...

If thinking too much can keep me from climaxing I guess it makes sense that I could think myself into it...wait no it doesnt. and what if I have asthma? do I really have to forcibly hyperventilate to climax solo

Check the link below for more details...
look ma, no hands!

think-gasm

needless to say...i should be doing homework

if something is indeed needless to say, why is it said


as a saying everything that is needless to say is in someway needed for clarification or continuatin of the previous statement
 
otherwise youre wasting my time with things that didnt actually need to be said

love and marriage

go together like a horse and carriage...so sex must be the yolk or ropes holding the two together. my question, if you marry and only one partner has had sex (prior to) and the other is bad...how do you fix it?

if both havent had sex they can grow and experiment together plus thres nothing to compare it to so...its the best youve ever had regardless...
if a man has had sex and the woman has not, well she can be easily taught to move properly, its like riding a bike (or a horse) once you can do it, you can do it...
but in the instance the woman is eh hmm experienced, and the man is not...how do you tell/teach/guide without completely killing his ego and do you just suffer through sloppy consumation on a regular basis for the rest of your life because youve got love and marriage?

this i tell ya brother you cant have one without the other
dun duh dun duh duh dun dun

chop phuey

I bought a bunch of chopsticks to make myself eat slower (you know because it takes the body 20 minutes to recognize its full...and most food is too good to allow to sit for 21 minutes) but all it did was make me learn how to use chopsticks better

GOALS

God Offering Abundance in the Lives of the Saints.

If you fall and I put my hand out to help you up or offer you my hand as to shake it (more casual than me assuming you fell) you in turn have you extend your hand, and grasp on to mine in order to recieve my help or my hand shake.

God gives you your desires, you must seek Him to receive the desires of your heart.

Anybody can achieve their goals, and live in abundance.  God came that we might have life MORE abundantly... the more is totally worth it.

He offers you your desires and more, just put in some work and seek after Him--and all these things [and more] shall be added unto you.

Let the weak say I am strong

For the past week or so I have had the verse from Joel "Let the weak say I am a Warrior" ESV (3:10) and the lyric from Youthful Praise TFT Medley (and may other songs and Bible translations) "Let the weak say I am strong" stuck in my head.

I have been spouting the words to everyone else but had yet to really get it in my spirit.  The Power of words. Life and death is truely in the power of the tongue, the word of God is Alive and Full of Power.

I can go around saying "Im broke" thats reality, however with this the reality is the weak say they are strong and they are strong. The Lord calls them to prepare their weapons and say they are warriors and to fight as such. There's no sugar coating the fact that they are weak. but in the moment that they say they are warriors they are warriors and are called to fight.

so while yesterday I was broke, it is now time to prepare my budget and say "I am rich".
while yesterday I was sick, it is now time to take up my bed and say I am healed.
while yesterday I was weak, it is now time to prepare my weapons and say I AM A WARRIOR.

prepare. speak it. walk it out

by faith i am a warrior

one night with the King

This past weekend I went away with my lover. I went on a trip to the International Prayer and Fasting Center in High Point, NC as apart of a "program" in my church called the "encounter." because an experience with God can easily be forgotten but an encounter will last forever.

I met God in that place and there is really no other way for me to describe it then to say you have to go, even if you think youre free now you have to go. I am beyond free to worship at this point in my life. dont get it twisted there is still stuff we need to work on (God and I) but I trust Him to handle it and to help me crucify my flesh daily lest I try to take back control.

GO. be open. be free

This shall be called and house of worship. this shall be called a place of praise, this shall be called the place of bethel. The place where God lives

I shall be called and house of worship. I shall be called a place of praise, I shall be called the place of bethel. The place where God lives.

to say or not to say

recently I had a series of conversations that made me think-" Oh my dear [insert race here] friend, please be happy Im the Black person you're saying this too so I can warn you not to say it to anyone else."

some of which are listed below and I ask that you add as you think of any things to say or not to say to Black people in attempt to help non-minorities and really anyone communicate with Black people, I have a strong feeling these will work for any race for any other race but we will see how it unfolds.

Dont

• talk about your other Black friend(s)

• talk about how the Tyler Perry Movie really opened your eyes.

• how hard your boss is on you

• how much you like hip hop- unless you can actually have a legit      

conversation...actually unless I bring it up dont do it at all. dont assume I listen to hip hop

• how close you were to your caretaker-or someone who was paid to be your friend
• academic culture courses you took in college, for example african drumming, history of the slave south, etc. unless we went to the same school
• your ludacris cd
• that you voted for Obama
• a post racial society
• a trip to Africa you want to take someday, unless you are somehow prompted and know what country you want to go to
• how you grew up on the cosby show
• how you say the n-word around your white friends and you dont mean it in a deragatory way

Do

• Talk about angela bassets arms in "whats love got to do with it"
• Five Heart Beats, Temptations, Micheal Jackson, etc
• American Dream
• Any of the donts that you are knowlegable in, truely knowlegable in, after being prompted by the person youre talking to...except for the last one. thats never okay.

im probably the only one that feels this way but i enjoy the fact that no one reads this ha-ha. today, i pooped with strangers. ha. thats a funny statement

Testing out the txt blog. today i realized when i get overemotional i cry. positive or negative-too much brings tears leading to failed attempts at communcation

Things I wish I wouldve said.

i want to write a blog devoted to things i wish i had said...or maybe i'll just add a label to this one because i dont want to be a crazy blog lady who's old and alone with her 15 blogs to keep her company- but i digress.

i was at the bookstore recently-not reading books but instead watching a movie on my laptop. im a rebel. anyhoo at this particular book store there are no plugs in convenient places there is one in the coffee shop that doesnt work and several spread sporadically along the walls and columns in walkways. i found a nook to sit in and not be a fire hazard.

while im talking about having my laptop plugged in though, this heffa at the laundry mat the other day made me unplug the laptop- which i was using- saying "this is no charge this laundry" which i took her broken english to mean "this isnt a charging station its for laundry"...pissed me off- i wont be going back there...but again i digress.

back at the book store a group of girls looking for a place to study-we'll call them a study group- couldnt find a plug, they came to mine, only i took the only non fire hazardy location so they sat with their cords strewn across a main walkway quietly studying in their group until a grumpy customer walked by and said something to the effect of-"that cant be there, some one will trip...we dont have to supply plugs...i'll get a manger" the latter was stated when the girls basically blew her off.

I figure my movies over, its getting cold anyway let me just move. I gave them my spot.

as she went to get the manager however, one of the girls said "you dont have to supply your mouth"

i chuckled. it was funny
but all of this made me think of "things i would have said"

things i would have said if you had given me three more minutes to reflect upon the words and gestures that just flowed from you in my direction

things i would have said if you werent my boss or in some sort of authoritative position over me

things i would have said if i could have had 4 seconds of silence to think of a clever retort

things i would have said if i didnt mind getting kicked out

things i would have said if Jesus weren't holdin me

COME BACK HERE I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING TO SAY

feel free, to leave rants and comments and things you would have said

man voice

i wrote this banging poem about a man voice, and how the depth reaches to the depths of the soul and how one can be felt with all senses and then flipped to the womans man voice first thing in the morning, "i saed good morning to ya..."

but i deleted it

aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

B.O.M.B.

Today at work I had a conversation about masterbation.

well it started out about a conversation about porn (typical table talk)
then it turned into,
"I dont need porn because I have my BOMB"
"BOMB?"
"Beat Off Memory Bank"
"I need to figure out a way to work that into my vocabulary, even though I dont masturbate"
"You dont what"
"masturbate"
"right, you dont what?"

The conversation proceeded to something like, you should..get this dildo...dont you get bored...it relieves stress...

so it got me thinking, is masturbation that common? the answer is 'yes' of course. but in a culture of purity rings, where waiting until marriage isnt necessarily common but is accepted...why is masturbation still the everyday? Why am I looked at as foreign if I choose not to do it?

theres nothing wrong with it, I just want to know what you think.

...

waiting for the one to love me for me
continuously ready to bless me when I sneeze
his walk alone could make me fall down to my knees
for fear that one day he may walk away from me
looking for love in all the wrong places
in different men in many different faces
with each new man what i dont want i find
and now i know exactly what will be held in mine
looking for love whilst lis looking for me
looking for love whilst love is in front of me
i found my love once i tapped into His love in me
and I realized I wasnt actually loving previously

Notice me

I got straight A's and brought home straight D's
silently screaming, "notice me"
I threw up food I didnt even eat
silently screaming, "notice me"
I was in abusive relationship after abusive relationship
allowed myself to be beated mentally, emotionally, and physically
silently screaming, "notice me"
I had two kids and one STD
silently screaming, "notice me"
I searched for love and approval, all the while hating me
silently screaming, "notice me"
when I lacked, I gave others the power to form and shape my identity
whispering hoarsely, "notice me"
I ran after you planted on bended knee
whispering hoarsely, "notice me"
I churched, I tramped, shown and hid my lamp
whispering hoarsely, "notice me"
I fasted, prayed, and worked diligently
made plans, goals, and put God in the back seat
whispering hoarsely, "notice me"
I'm here now, God, standing firmly
yelling, screaming, shouting "God Please, Notice Me"
Run to me, Shelter me, Comfort me, and allow me to embrace Thee
Fully, wholly, purposefully with direction, with skill, and Your heart within me
No matter who I am, or where I might be its You LORD, You Lord, that I need to notice me.

title me

Im overwhelmed by how under whelming my days have become
feeling whelmed by the complacency and mundane passing of the hour
become uncomfortable in the comfortable and predictable nature of my schedule.

Im over being undertaken by time
and overtaken by age as my youth fleets continually along with the
drive and desire I once had.

The young dream dreams and Ive dreamt but my dreams have ceased to dream of the future and have now become mere memories of the past.

I dream of who I once was
hopeful for the hope I once had
dreaming of the dreams I once dreamt
viewing visions of a better me
but for right now THAT person
that successful person
that happy person
that content person
thats not me.

Im unsatisfied with the satisfaction meant to come with a schedule thats booked
because an agenda thats full of unsatisfactory and unfullfilling content is just that

unsatisfactory and unfilling

leaving me dissatisfied and empty
and continually longing for fulfillment
devoting myself fully to looking for a filling purpose
begging my Garmin for directions and destinations
crawling slow and steady to the fork in the road with no foreseable right way

I want to walk, I want to run, I want to stand up
but for and to what?
Garmin cant lead me if I dont have any place to go

A man who has found nothing worth dying for...?

hmm, well I want to live